Quicksilver: Why do you walk so slow?
Magneto: IT’S BECAUSE I’M GAY!
Kitty: And by the way, Charles Xavier is not your husband, or your soul mate. There’s a Professor X in every timeline.
Magneto: Well, I’m in love with this Charles. We did a bunch of amazing, awesome stuff which almost turned out to be sex, and we were married in a legal ceremony!
Professor X: It was not legal.
Professor X: Erik, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.
Magneto: I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo.
Professor X: About a year ago, Erik and I slept together.
Beast: And?
Professor X: I thought you’d be more surprised.
Beast: Oh, sorry.
Beast: [in a shocked voice] And?
Bolivar Trask: You’re sentenced to death for treason. You’ll be hung.
Professor X, from the back: He’s already hung!
Magneto: Your honor, uncuff me so I can highfive my husband.