Author: The X-Men From Beginning To End

Oh hey yeah, this comic is part of the Inferno…

Oh hey yeah, this comic is part of the Inferno Crossover, as we’re reminded here when N’astirh, who is now pink for some reason, shows up to broker a deal with the villain. But then he disappears and none of this shit is ever mentioned again. I get the feeling that this was Steve Englehart’s way of satisfying his editors’ demands to include the Fantastic Four in the company wide crossover, while continuing to tell his story about plant sex and astrology unfettered. (Fantastic Four #324 – Mar 1989 – Inferno Crossovers)

Why are we always restraining female comic boo…

Why are we always restraining female comic book characters to slabs of concrete like this such that they have to arch their chests and stick their breasts out??? Seriously, show me a single comic book panel where a dude is restrained in this way. (Fantastic Four #324 – Mar 1989 – Inferno Crossovers)

Omg Ben calls Mantis a CMILF (celestial Madonn…

Omg Ben calls Mantis a CMILF (celestial Madonna he’d like to fuck) right in front of his girlfriend, Ms. Marvel. Smooth move, Benji!! Point of advice. When your girlfriend is literally the last rock monster on Earth, don’t hit on other chicks in front of her. Also, Mantis married a plant in order to procreate with it and create a super race of hyper-intelligent plant-people. So, ya know, she’s married. Seriously Ben you are a moron!! (Fantastic Four #323 – Feb 1989 – Inferno Crossovers)

Did the Council of Kangs approve that costume?…

Did the Council of Kangs approve that costume? Pinstriped thigh-highs and a bacta tank face mask? Jesus. Anyway, I haven’t seen Kang since the original Secret Wars when he tried to kill his supposed ancestor Dr. Doom. I thought I remembered Kang dying at the end of that series, but either I didn’t do a post on it or it never happened and I’m remembering it wrong because I can’t find any posts on it. Here he’s making reference to a different Kang, from the 300th issue of the Avengers, which hasn’t taken place yet but which came before this issue in the Inferno Crossovers omnibus I’m reading. Needless to say, I am fucking confused and spending 45 minutes trying to sort this stuff out by reading this guy’s Wikipedia page hasn’t helped. (Fantastic Four #323 – Feb 1989 – Inferno Crossovers)

Just once in my life I’d like to meet a woman …

Just once in my life I’d like to meet a woman in a unique fashion like this. (Fantastic Four #323 – Feb 1989 – Inferno Crossovers)

Wtf Mantis is a real character? And she’s not …

Wtf Mantis is a real character? And she’s not a dippy, overly sensitive, subservient empath? She’s actually a kick ass master of Kung Fu that’s married to a bunch of plants? God damn it MCU, you can’t do anything right. (Fantastic Four #323 – Feb 1989 – Inferno Crossovers)

Man, look at these panels written by Steve Eng…

Man, look at these panels written by Steve Englehart in 1989, and then compare them to what Claremont was doing over in Uncanny X-Men at the exact same time. It seems like there’s 30 years separating these two writing styles. (Fantastic Four #322 – Jan 1989 – Inferno Crossovers)

Holy shit what the fuck is that thing??? A rog…

Holy shit what the fuck is that thing??? A rogue Watcher??? A Nega-Uatu?? Get it the fuck away from me!! I have an irrational fear of normal Uatus and this one looks like it will stare the empty and wicked pits of it’s bald baby face straight into the most shameful and undignified parts of my soul. This is worse than that time Molecule Man and Volcana’s apartment got infested with Uatu. (Fantastic Four #322 – Jan 1989 – Inferno Crossovers)

Haha good one Johnny. But at least he’s not a …

Haha good one Johnny. But at least he’s not a toxic white privileged douche bag with a douche bag haircut and a douche bag look on his face. You oblivious thunder-cunt. (Fantastic Four #322 – Jan 1989 – Inferno Crossovers)

Big ass scaly rock monster walking around in h…

Big ass scaly rock monster walking around in his underwear: “Geez you guys!! It’s fucking weird out here!” (Fantastic Four #322 – Jan 1989 – Inferno Crossovers)